1. |
Buttnugget 16
02:56
|
|||
When will the break be
Wonder where and why I do
But sorry I'm a know-not in deeds undo
This know I true and argue yes it seems being
Is a be you do
Action is when still quits stopping
Know that and told them they will say I did or not
But matter doesn't be if not it is you see
so stick it up a tree
Words as these thought I true and not un-so
Even mean less than true could be imagined more so
Good is it whether known or known to yet be
Mattered maybe not or so let's all get in a boat and row
Holy sheep shears lookit over here
There's a flute in my gumboot I'm checkin' if it squeaks
Well the boot does the flute just leaks
Get my gun I'm gonna plug it
One thing I know yes no song sings
Like a bell done dung well ding don't dong
Til ya tug it by the thing hell I'll ding dang near any thing
Don't say don't do do and I won't will
How do you do how do I do what
What a weird way to wonder O-whizzy-gee
My dear Watson L-M-N-O-P
|
||||
2. |
Ass Over Tea Kettle
02:50
|
|||
The pleasure is instant and you've got time to burn
The forest is full of gut-shot owls
And still you will not learn
Hansel and Gretel, barefoot thru the nettles
Beautiful flowers have poisonous petals
Pushin' peddle a little too close to metal
Down you'd best settle
Ass over tea kettle
Wow. Lots of things rhyme with ettle.
|
||||
3. |
New Platitudes
03:42
|
|||
I can hardly contain my gratitude
For all the wise little things people have said
But I think it's time for some new platitudes
Cause the old ones are just rotting in my head
Light hands make many work
Necessity is the invention of your mother
Yesterday today was a new day
Dish me out some new platitudes
The old ones clearly didn't take
I've got a bit of a shitty attitude
And I'm wearin' thin trying to learn from my mistakes
Time is the thief of procrastination
The beginning of wisdom is to quit being an idiot
The dawn is always darkest while you're sleeping
The green is always grosser in your neighbor's nose
If you can't say something nice,
Say something cryptically sarcastic
If at first you don't succeed, you're an immediate failure
I feel restricted and I need a little latitude
The straight and narrow makes my mind just wanna bend
I'm way past due for some new platitudes
Like, "If it ain't broke, break the sunuvabitch!"
|
||||
4. |
Big Rock Candy Mountains
02:10
|
|||
5. |
All I Really Wanna Do
03:49
|
|||
6. |
Ear Bastards
02:38
|
|||
I like things that ding
I like things that dong
I like little noises that seldom come along
I like the sound of things that
Altho offensive and smelling strong
How can it sound so right if it's so wrong?
I'll flick a kick drum
I'll kick somebody's tire
I'll blow into a bottle hole, I'll pluck a tightened wire
I'll hear a sound
And I'll duplicate it
I'll search the earth all over til I find the thing that made it
A side of beef sounds good if you slap it
Hell, do it a couple times
Then crack them ribs in a 4/4 fashion and
Cook it all up with a little red wine
I heard that you were comin'
And set a booby trap at the door
Set to make a series of noises I swear you never heard b4
I'll tap on a bottle
I'll scrape along a rusty spring
I'll pound on a tanker truck
I'll bang or clang on some damn thing
|
||||
7. |
||||
His name was Willie, He was a fine goldfish
Your every command was already his wish
Willie laid by his dish, like a good fish.
Willie was well-mannered, and had a great sense of humor
And if you heard otherwise, I'm afraid you heard a rumor
He was everybody's friend, right up until the end
I found him floatin' like an inner tube, bullet wound to the head
I knowed it wasn't suicide, but whooda wanted Willie dead?
Confused frustration, I want a full investigation
Well the obsession just grows, like an unreachable itch
But I'll find who killed Willie, and kill the sunuvabitch
I'll make the bastard wish he never shot my fish.
|
||||
8. |
Dark Safari
04:31
|
|||
The girl in the garden said unto the rattlesnake
Tell me once again of this mistake that I should make
And a crow fled from the post of a pearly white gate
And along came a thunder cloud, vast and black and great
Come to consummate the world with it's brand new fate
A man put on his hunter's eyes and cocked his old Nikon
He was feeling cool and slippery like mercury on Teflon
And the streets were new and time slowed down
and everything was black and white
And the sin was raging rampant as danger pushed the night
And it's a faded, winding line that separates wrong from right.
|
||||
9. |
The Tea Room
03:31
|
|||
Your table is ready, the candles are lit
The tea, sir, is hot, and there's something special in it
Will you be needing anything before I go?
All the babies are crazy. Yes, sir, I know.
The flowers are sulking and the walls are all tired
The table is slanted, and ought to be fired!
The cutlery is blinding me with it's gleam
In a back room I hear a slave girl scream
Bring me a pan flute and a damsel to play it
Bring me a prayer, and an angel to pray it
Thru the door I ran screaming, was but one dream I had
In a series of thousands-- All of them bad!
I slayed a white bunny and indulged in a haunch
I crawled thru the smoke and the dank, pungent raunch
A familiar young soldier pulled me from the scene
And I was back with my teacup, where I first had been
So I paid the check and I left quite a handsome tip
I bid a good day, and said, "Thanks for the trip"
(then I tripped).
|
||||
10. |
Smoakumifyagottum
03:34
|
|||
You work all day, getcher head above water
Take a long deep breath, and it's back to the bottom
You give a wink and a grin and you smoke 'em if ya got 'em
My ring holds no promise, my mission knows no bottom
And them bad ole days, well I simply forgot 'em
I tip my hat to the past and I smoke 'em if I got 'em
Faith is a fountain in the sky
You can't fall off a mountain if you try
Burn the baggage, love the bitch
Find the power, flick the switch
Do you deny the prophecies, or have you just forgot 'em?
Hear the thunder start to rumble as the springtime turns to autumn
Get ready cause He's comin' back, or just smoke 'em if ya got 'em
Faith is a fountain in the sky
You can't fall off a mountain if you try
Burn the burden, grab a hope
Drop the hammer, cut the rope
|
||||
11. |
Open
02:15
|
|||
Open doors, open soars
I'll open mine if you open yours
Open presents, open baskets
Open arms and open caskets
Better shut some stuff but I don't know how
I was born in a barn but I ain't no cow.
Openly hopin' me rope isn't broken
Usin' and losin' and oozin' and gropin'
Open seating in open meetings
Open receivings of drive-by beatings
Better shut some stuff but I don't know how
I was born in a barn but I ain't no cow.
Openly broken and jokingly hopin'
To shock her eyes and talk her wise
open blinds, open minds
Open shutters of varying kinds
Flappin' rackets, open jackets
Rack 'em, Jacko Kerouac.
Better shut some stuff but I don't know how
I was born in a barn but I ain't no cow.
|
||||
12. |
Songvomit
01:42
|
|||
Doddlin' Todd needs a throttle but he thinks
All he needs is a bottle and some weed
Well I've got a lot of that in my hat and up my sleeve
But sorry it's for me, dude, and a friend whose mood I blew'd.
Alice Cooper's nightmare makes me wanna sleep
Coz my own nightmares are only 3 dreams deep
Welcome to the breakdown, I was here first
These keyhole kaleidoscope vision trips
Give me a booze thirst
Hey Jack I can rap and you can't take it
But if you do put it back, jungle-vine swinger
Singin' on a porch thing, sing don't talk
Papa was a rollin' rock, weird wonders weave and slither
Intertwining here and thither through the reaches
of a head-vessel's tea party warm nestle
Hey, Russel-named limey ear-fucked tooth-monster
Ponsy constant pop tart, his beer on a tea saucer
I know, here we go, dainty bleedin' weirdo
About to say "Cheer-i-o", Mr. bite not
Bark a lot, pass the cricket bat chaps,
We'll get him in the parkin' lot
Shave my sound right down up and downtown with it
Until it's renowned, what's that sound
my microphone head it loves to hear the brown sound
Scatterin' the shades all around the wall
Move 'em around and let the useless ones fall
There's a storm in here I think I need to calm it
80 proof puke-loosener, bomb it all with songvomit
Please I pleaded on my knees I plead until it bled, in fact
I plead until my plea cracked, in fact it cracked in half, alas
Like glass and then I peed upon it.
|
||||
13. |
What I Want
05:27
|
|||
I want someone with a secret smile that only I have seen
That tells me periodically it's all a pleasant dream
I don't want desires binding me
I don't wanna be a winner
I just wanna learn to hate the sin
And not to hate the sinner
I wanna write an anthem and sing it strong and cold
I wanna tell true stories that never have been told
I want everyone suddenly drumming
I want drive in the tribe
I wanna die in victory
And I want to be forever alive
I want faith like a fountain to follow footsteps on the sea
I wanna jump from buddhist mountains and have 'em all
watch Jesus catch me
I wanna be impervious to evil's hissing taunts
I want love to find my enemies
I want what Jesus wants
|
||||
14. |
Cabin Fever Sailor Song
04:47
|
|||
I fell off a really tall bandwagon
Glad to say I'm still alive
In the mighty clutches of a really small dragon
He's only twelve-foot-five
I slayed the bastard with a side of beef
And just before he fell
He gave me sort of a scaly old dragon-like grin
And said, "Well, well, well".
It's raining it's pouring
Dogs and cats and farm animals
Ever had a goat fall on ya? Squishy.
I went looking for a job
But there were none to be seen
So I moved away from the window
And into a stormy old dream:
I ran a hundred miles an hour
In circles 'round the ship
Jumpin' and divin' and flippin' and flyin'
Then I tripped on a paper clip.
I hope I don't die alone out here
Coz death they say is really awful
I wanna be cremated, tho
Coz it smells like Eggo waffles.
I've read The Guide to the Gods
And Plumbing For Dummies
Talked to scholars and sages & spent my life's wages
Sailing around, searching for knowledge
But I'm still just as dumb as a sackful
Of hammers. Praise the Lord!
|
Craig Johnstone Vancouver, British Columbia
Craig Johnstone is a passionate and dedicated artist/photographer and Indie singer/songwriter living in or near Vancouver,
BC (Canada).
He began as a hard rock drummer, and developed a passion for songwriting and recording, and learned to play guitar.
Johnstone’s wonderfully unique Alternative Country Rock album "We Humans" is a cohesive, raw, gritty and enormously amusing collection of songs.
... more
Streaming and Download help
If you like Craig Johnstone, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp